Auto-Immunization

You ever been tricked into attending a multilevel marketing sales recruiting meeting? It starts out something like this; “I have this great new business I want to explain to you and you to be very good at it because you have all the right personal qualities.” As soon you go to meeting you find out all the great reasons why someone needs to do their own business.

They talk about Ray Crock from McDonald’s and all the great entrepreneurs of all time. They talk about your income, retirement and the fact that Social Security will not be available to you. They tell you about 95 percent of the people are either dead or broke at age 60 and that this awaits you unless you do something and take action in your life.

Of course this whole time you are thinking yes, yes, yes and then they ask you if you might be interested in the business of your own, which will prevent this from happening to you. Pretty sneaky isn’t it? Interesting considering that they haven’t even told you what the business is yet or what you will be doing or what your mission is. What a bunch of crap.

Now then, did you know that international terrorist cells use the same methods to recruit people of lower IQ. They look for weak individuals with no self-esteem who are afraid of the future and then they play upon those fears in order to recruit them. They even have sponsors and the sponsors help the new recruits by pumping them up and telling them about their part of the greater cause now.

Eventually they convince the international terrorist recruit to commit to strapping a bomb to themselves and blow themselves up. Of course only a moron would do that or someone who has no manhood. But the recruit does not even stop think that he is merely being used. There are so many similarities to how these multi-level marketing companies and international terrorist operate indeed. Consider this in 2006.

“Lance Winslow” – Online Think Tank forum board. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; http://www.WorldThinkTank.net/wttbbs/

Social phobia, also called social anxiety disorder, involves overwhelming anxiety and excessive self-consciousness in everyday social situations. People with social phobia have a persistent, intense, and chronic fear of being watched and judged by others and being embarrassed or humiliated by their own actions.

Their fear may be so severe that it interferes with work or school, and other ordinary activities. While many people with social phobia recognize that their fear of being around people may be excessive or unreasonable, they are unable to overcome it. They often worry for days or weeks in advance of a dreaded situation.

Social phobia can be limited to only one type of situation- such as a fear of speaking in formal or informal situations, or eating, drinking, or writing in front of others-or, in its most severe form, may be so broad that a person experiences symptoms almost anytime they are around other people. Social phobia can be very debilitating-it may even keep people from going to work or school on some days. Many people with this illness have a hard time making and keeping friends.

Physical symptoms often accompany the intense anxiety of social phobia and include blushing, profuse sweating, trembling, nausea, and difficulty talking. If you suffer from social phobia, you may be painfully embarrassed by these symptoms and feel as though all eyes are focused on you. You may be afraid of being with people other than your family.

People with social phobia are aware that their feelings are irrational. Even if they manage to confront what they fear, they usually feel very anxious beforehand and are intensely uncomfortable throughout. Afterward, the unpleasant feelings may linger, as they worry about how they may have been judged or what others may have thought or observed about them.

Social phobia affects about 5.3 million adult Americans.1 Women and men are equally likely to develop social phobia. The disorder usually begins in childhood or early adolescence, and there is some evidence that genetic factors are involved.11 Social phobia often co-occurs with other anxiety disorders or depression. Substance abuse or dependence may develop in individuals who attempt to “self-medicate” their social phobia by drinking or using drugs. Social phobia can be treated successfully with carefully targeted psychotherapy or medications.

Depression and anxiety is said to be the cause of uncontrolled anger. When a person is constantly worried about things they have no control over it often causes depression. If you feel , there is no hope you can be feeling low.

If you feel that your world is falling apart and you are probably thinking negative, maybe angry and this can lead to depression and anxiety. First, let us take a look at your symptoms. Do you feel like you are going out of your mind? Uncontrolled anger outbursts at any opportunity ?

Do you feel like someone is out to get you? Do you think people view you as a crazy person? If you are suffering any one or all of these symptoms or thoughts then you could be in the process of suffering anxiety and depression.

You will probably explode,and your anger bursts. Review all the problem areas carefully to see if there are answers to your problems. Reviewing often opens doors to resources you may have overlooked. If you feel like someone is out to get you then you might have a chemical imbalance or a mental illness.

Why not visit a mental health expert to learn more about your symptoms and find a way to gain control. Anxiety and depression will play tricks with your mind and sometimes your thinking is a result of a chemical imbalance. Remember that most people have their own problems and won’t be wondering too much about you !

When you walk into a room and think that people are staring at you, you might want to remember that people observe things around them, doing exactly the same and feeling much the same. When times are difficult it does not mean it is the end of the world although sometimes it may seem this way.

If you are struggling to pay bills, fighting to hold a family together, or having difficulty with your children then remember we all have this problem at some time in our lives. Are your children driving you to angry outbursts ? Take a break, or exercise. This relieves stress that leads to anxiety, depression and anger.

Don not worry about the things you have or do not have control over. If you have problems, the answers are within you. If you are struggling to reach goals then you might want to break your goals down to smaller segments and work slowly to achieve. If you set goals within reason, you will succeed.It is important to pamper your self each day.

Learn some coping relaxation response techniques that benefit both your mind and body. If you feel overwhelmed, you might want to inhale and exhale breaths for up to 10 counts. Curl up on a couch and watching a favorite movie,let your thoughts go.

Focus on what you are doing instead of worrying about what you are not doing. This often clears the mind and helps you to relax. If you subject your self to anger, you will most likely have difficulties for the remaining of your life until you learn to take control of your emotions. Remember uncontrolled anger can be a sign of depressive illness.

For more related information visit: http://www.DepressionSymptomsTreatment.com – a site that offers advice for avoiding, coping with depression. Get professional knowledge on dealing with symptoms, drug side effects and improving your life!

Needless to say, the time after loss is volatile and confusing for most people. Unresolved issues come to the fore and questions we have not answered must often be confronted. Along with a sense of abandonment and sorrow, anger often arises. Most have little understanding of what they are going through, or what to expect in the future. Facing the unknown can produce additional fear.

Yet crisis means opportunity. When the process of grief is handled properly suffering can be diminished and symptoms that may appear later, can be forestalled.
It is even possible for the individual to grow a great deal during this time and benefit from the experience.

The more we understand what we are going through, the less out of control we will feel. At a time like this we need context, meaning and direction. We need to know what to expect and how to handle the many changes that are happening.

The Dynamics of Loss and Grief

Each person reacts differently to loss and that is fine. Some feel abandoned, others feel betrayed and afraid. Some reach out for love and comfort, while others withdraw, wanting time alone. Some go into denial and seem not to register the loss that has happened. These individuals are often unconsciously processing what has happened, not ready to face reality yet. They may fear they will be overwhelmed if they allow themselves to register what has gone on at this time.

It is best not to pressure a person to react differently. When the individual is accepted for who they are at the moment, it is easier for them to let go, and move on. This entire process takes time.
It helps greatly to realize that the pain we go through during grief is normal. It does not mean there is something wrong with us. We need not feel ashamed of or afraid of our feelings.

What Happens When We Are Grieving

When we are grieving, interest in the outside world subsides, we slow down, sleep more, our social activities seem less meaningful. This is not necessarily bad. An individual may need more time alone. In this process the grieving individual is contemplating the nature of their lives and relationships, and coming to terms with the person they’ve lost. They may be reviewing that which was left unsaid or undone.

Grief is usually most difficult when the individual has had troubled or incomplete relationship. When there have been unsolved conflicts left behind, this makes it harder to be at peace. Many spend time blaming themselves for what they did or didn’t do. Others blame doctors, helpers or family members. Casting blame is a way of removing the guilt and sorrow we feel. The sooner they are able to let go of blame and accusations, the sooner they start on the road of healing.

Let Go Of Blame

Blame, self hate and other forms of anger, are common during grief. Although it is important not to repress anger and disappointment, it is best to feel it and then let it go. Some individuals hold onto anger as a way of keeping connected to the person or situation they have lost. The truth is that anger always keeps us out of balance. It is a poison to the one who holds onto it.

Coming To Terms – Steps You Can Take

Ultimately one must reconcile oneself to what happened. Most people do all they can to avoid experiencing their feelings or situation directly. Many fear that if they face their suffering, it will make them feel small and helpless. Actually, the opposite is true. In order to deal with grief wisely, it’s best not to control or resist the feelings. When different emotions arise be gentle with yourself and patient. When these feelings are not resisted, they simply come to awareness and then fade away.

Feelings that are repressed come out later in different ways, including various physical symptoms, phobias and unwanted behaviors. If we do not address our feelings in one mode, they will appear in another – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

Through acceptance of reality, of oneself and the other, one develops the power the affirm life, and to grow. One can then give to others, and become a source of inspiration, and live a life that is meaningful. The discovery and experience of value and meaning in one’s life and one’s losses is the most potent healing of all.

Hopefully, we come to a point where forgiveness can take place, (forgiveness of the person we’ve lost, forgiveness of ourselves, the universe, or whatever it is we feel anger with). In order to do this, it is deeply helpful to realize that all of life is temporary. People possessions, situations are given to us for a short time. As we acknowledge the transitory nature of life, we can then begin to look deeper and see what it is that we never lose.

Below are a couple of exercises that are helpful in coming to terms with the relationship you have lost, and with the meaning of loss itself.

Exercise – Giving Gifts

Make a list of the gifts you received from the person, the ways they taught and inspired you. Now find ways to give those gifts to others. As you do so, not only will you be acknowledging what you received from that person, but honoring their memory and keeping their spirit alive.

Exercise – It Suffices

Whenever you think of the person and the way they fell short, what they didn’t give you, say to yourself, “It Suffices.” This is in recognition that they gave all they could, being who they were, and that you can feel satisfied with what you received. (This is an ancient Buddhist practice)

Prayer, Silence And Meditation

Of course the deepest sense of healing, peace and security can come from our connection to God, A Higher Power or our Higher Selves, (different people call it by different names). During the process of grieving it is very helpful to be able to connect with that which is ultimately meaningful to you. Either through prayer, silence, contemplation or meditation, know that you are looked after and protected and that there is a larger purpose in all that happens, though you may not be totally aware of it. Our true security, in all kinds of circumstances, comes from this kind of understanding.

Exercise

- Turn to a feeling you are having and enter a dialogue with it.
Ask, “What are you saying to me?” Listen for an answer. Ask, “What can I learn from this difficult situation? How can I grow strong?” Become silent and listen. As you do this more and more, insight and inspiration will come your way.

- Think of three times in your life when you felt particularly sad or upset. Notice how you handled it. Did you express the feeling? Did you take action on it? Did you pretend it wasn’t there? What happened to you physically? Take a moment to write all this down. Look at the connections between your feelings, actions and reactions. Become aware.

As you become more aware of the journey grief takes you on, you will grow, emotionally and spiritually. You will realize that after loss, something new is always born. Life never stops offering opportunities. Knowing this you will become a source of strength and inspiration to others at this time as well.

Cc/author/2005

Discover crucial steps that will turn a time of loss into one of strength and hope. Dr Brenda Shoshanna, psychologist, speaker, relationship expert has offered over 500 workshops on all aspects of relationships and personal development, including dealing with illness, change and loss. She is the author of many books including The Anger Diet, (30 days to Stress Free Living), McMeel, http://www.theangerdiet.com, and Journey Through Illness and Beyond, http://www.journeythroughillness.com/ Zen Miracles (Finding Peace In An Insane World), Wiley. You can contact her at: mailto:topspeaker@yahoo.com. or http://www.brendashoshanna.com

Sometimes it happens. You think things are going along well at work, or at least adequately enough, until your boss summons you to his or her office and delivers a shock: Unless your performance improves, you will soon be out of a job.

In an ideal world, news like this wouldn’t come out of the blue. You would have had indications, such as frequent and constructive feedback from your boss, repeated attempts to work with you, show you where you’re off track, and attempts to let you rectify things.

Unfortunately, not all bosses communicate effectively with their employees. Some don’t bother to deliver this kind of feedback until they’ve already determined to get rid of an employee – - and then they have conversations like this so that they can “document” that they tried to “work” with the employee on whatever the issue is. This way, they can get rid of an employee without getting into trouble with human resources. They’re just covering their tracks.

If this has happened to you recently, here are some steps to consider taking:

1. Decide if you even really like the job. If you don’t like your job, this could be reflecting in your work, even if you didn’t realize it. If you don’t like your job, consider this a sign from the Universe that it’s time to update your resume or consider a career change. Then do it.

2. If you think the job is worth fighting for, make an appointment with your boss and ask for some specifics. Does your boss think you’re not a fit for the position at all, or are there areas of your work that can be improved upon? Get a sense of what your boss is looking for in terms of outcomes. Is your boss willing to help you improve? (If not, this is a sign that your boss is just laying the foundation for a future dismissal.)

3. Silently prepare for the worst. If you’re asked to leave, you might not be permitted to go to your office for your personal items. They’ll promise they’ll send them to you, but do you want them pawing through your stuff? Take personal items home. Clear anything off your computer that isn’t work-related. (And if you’re an internet surfer, be sure to delete your cookies and internet history. Sure, they can trace it if they want to, but why make it easy for them?) And don’t make any major purchases in the near future!

4. After you’ve had some time to calm down, do some honest reflecting. If any part of your boss’s review had merit, use it as a lesson. However, also remember that your boss’s assessment is just one opinion. It’s possible that your boss is wrong about you. Usually the truth is somewhere in the middle. The worst thing you can do is beat yourself up.

You are not alone. This has happened to countless individuals. Some of the very smartest, sharpest, most successful people in the world have had bad reviews at work. There are a multitude of reasons for this:

- Sometimes a good employee goes through a difficult phase in life. They might be depressed or unhealthy, which makes it difficult to perform their best.

- Occasionally even the best and well-intentioned employee really isn’t a good fit for the position.

- Sometimes the boss has his or her own agenda. It’s not unheard of for a boss to prefer supervising people he or she hired, rather than the people hired by the boss’s predecessor. Sometimes, unconsciously or not, such a boss will work to wear employees down by constant criticism, until the employees give up and go someplace else.

There are a million other reasons why a good employee might get a bad review. The point is that it’s not to be taken personally. Learn from it, decide your course of action, and then move forward.

Holly Zenith is a professional woman by day and a netpreneur by night. Her mission is to help women move forward in their lives and make their dreams come true. Please visit her at http://hollyzenith.com/sq.html

The appraiser may be any person who observes the employee while performing a job. The appraiser has thorough knowledge about the job content, contents to be appraised, and standards of contents. The appraiser should prepare reports and make judgments without bias. Typical appraisers are supervisors, peers, subordinates, employees themselves, users of service, and consultants.

Supervisors include superiors of the employee, other superiors having knowledge about the work of the employee, and department heads or managers. General practice is that immediate superiors appraise the performance, which in turn is reviewed by the departmental head manager. This is because supervisors are responsible for managing their subordinates and they have the opportunity to observe, direct and control the subordinate continuously. Moreover, they are accountable for the successful performance of their subordinates. On the negative side, immediate supervisors, may emphasis certain aspects of employee performance to the neglect of others. Also, managers have been known to manipulate evaluations to justify their decisions on pay increases and promotions.

Peer appraisal may be reliable if the work group is stable over a reasonably long period of time and performs tasks that require interaction. However, little research has been conducted to determine how peers establish standards for evaluating others or the overall effect of peer appraisal on the group’s attitude. The concept of having superiors rated subordinates is being used in most organizations today, especially in developed countries. For instance in most US universities students evaluate a professor’s performance in the classroom. Such a novel method can be useful in other organizational settings too, provided the relationships between superiors and subordinates are cordial.

If individuals understand the objectives they are expected to achieve and the standards by which they are to be evaluated, they are to a great extent in the best position to appraise their own performance. Employee performance in service organizations relating to behaviors, promptness, speed in doing the job and accuracy, can be better judged by the customers or users of services.

Performance Appraisals provides detailed information on How to Write a Performance Appraisal, Job Performance Appraisals, Performance Appraisal Software, Performance Appraisal Systems and more. Performance Appraisals is affiliated with Manufacturing Performance Management.

Disclaimer: None of the content of this article should be considered medical or psychological advice. You should consult with your health care professional for specific advice relating to your medical and psychological questions or conditions.

An important issue for Psychologists, Pediatricians, and other specialists working with children is physical and mental development of children and adolescents. There are many age periodizations in child’s development and going through every period, child learns and gets new abilities. However, children with chronic illnesses like diabetes, sickle cell anemia, severe asthma, cancer and others cannot go through regular physical and mental development. Due to special treatment they cannot go to ordinary school like healthy children, sometimes they have to stay in hospitals for a long period of time. How to help children with illnesses develop mentally and not drop behind children of the same age?

1. Create special home or hospital-educational plan and organize short mathematics, logics and reading lessons every day or week. Together with your child you can make this time very interesting and useful. New information, which you can find for your child, will help him or her to feel completeness of life and self-efficiency.

2. Create homework assignments for your child. Begin with easy arithmetical (or any other subject) tasks. Doing it successfully will help your child to raise self-confidence and interest to new knowledge.

3. Even small tasks which demand accuracy (for example, measuring table in centimeters or inches) can be very interesting if you explain that every item around us should be planned and measured very accurately first, before constructing. Manual tasks demanding attention and accuracy are very useful, because they increase ability to concentrate and regulate attention.

4. Be patient and teach your child to be patient. This will help your child to be optimistic during treatment process and have positive attitude to the environment – some of the major components of psychological and physical health.

5. Contributing to your child’s mental development will help your child feel all your love. Receiving interesting information, positive attitude and cheerful mood create a special condition to improve health and stop illness progress. Help your child be interested in knowing more and more about this world, prompt him or her to be healthy and you will see positive changes in your child’s life.

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Time Management

Ever asked yourself, where does the time go?

It seems that this hectic lifestyle in which we live, many in internet business have the complaint, “there’s just not enough time in the day” to get all the work required done. This proves especially true with companies running their internet business like a one man band, as many do. This is why time management is an extremely important factor in producing quantitive, yet quality results, day in day out.

Research suggests that more than half of our lives (on average) is a waste of time.

* We spend 5 years standing in line. * 2 years trying to return telephone calls. * 8 months opening direct mail. * 6 years eating food. * 1 year looking for misplaced objects. * 4 years doing general household chores. * 25 years sleeping.

Out of an 80 year life span a total of 43 years are consumed with trivial, boring tasks that seem to occupy the majority of our free time. With another 20 years being consumed by work it leaves little time to the imagination if you don’t have a daily time management system in place.

So I ask you this.

How many of the 30,000 odd days of our life do you spend on the pursuit of your interests, dreams and self satisfactions?

In a business sense, our only limited resource is time. So how much money we make is a direct reflection of how we use our time.

The clock is ticking, put it to good use.

Memory & Images

The subconscious mind, more commonly referred to in the field of psychology as the unconscious mind, not only stores words and memories of a literal sense, but this generally untapped realm of the mind also has an images folder. Automatically the unconscious mind takes a capture shot and attaches it to the corresponding literal aspect of the moment.

More times than not from an internet marketing perspective, in my research, the memory that a potential client forms of a visit to your website is primarily created by the images they see, the words these images convey are autonomously sucked up by the unconscious mind to form a relevant or not so relevant memory.

This giving some stable meaning to the age old saying “a picture paints a thousand words”.

So if you were thinking before reading this article that the look and feel of your website is inconsequential or secondary to the literal content conveyed, think again!

So if you want to instil a relevant memory of your website in your visitors mind don’t overlook the power of creative imagery. If you don’t make an impression with your imagery then a not so relevant memory will be formed and filed DEEP in the shadow realms of your potential customers unconscious mind, never to be retrieved again.

Focussing The Minds Of Others In The Direction You Want

Here are a couple of quick exercises that prove a point.

Exercise #1 – Close your eyes momentarily and for the period of approximately 1 minute I want you to do try and achieve the following.

Do NOT think of a black dog for 1 minute. Do it now.

Did you have major difficulty NOT thinking of that black dog for a whole minute? No matter how hard you tried that damn black dog just kept running on into your mind right?

Exercise #2 – Close your eyes momentarily and for the period of approximately 1 minute I want you to do try and achieve the following.

I want you to think of a red rose for 1 minute. Do it now.

This task was relatively easy huh? Now to the point of the exercise..

The focusing of the red rose was relatively easy enough, the second exercise also holds the key to the first exercise of NOT focusing on the black dog. The most effective way to NOT think of something is to think of something else.

Most importantly, we need to be aware that not thinking of something actually focuses the goal oriented part of the mind on that very thing, just as effectively as if you had chosen to think of it directly.

One can observe the principle of this exercise at work very effectively when parents walk their children home from school, they tell their children NOT to jump in the puddles right? But almost as if you could set a clock by it, your kids are back doing exactly what you told them NOT to do, yep they are jumping in the puddles.

By the parent saying to their children, don’t jump in the puddles, this draws the kids attention directly to the puddles and in they go. Then the parents have the cheek to get upset at the children after they have quite effectively, if somewhat unconsciously directed them straight into the puddles.

So how do you keep your children from jumping in the puddles you ask?

Think about it for a moment. The mind is a goal orientated decision making tool, you want the mind to focus away from the puddles, where do you want the mind to go? On the dry ground of course, so the effective thing to say is “keep on the dry ground”, this focuses the mind of the child on the dry ground and not on the puddles.

Have you ever seen a child carrying a full bowl of soup? What is the natural reaction?

You shout “don’t spill the bowl of soup” right? But by doing so, what has the child’s mind registered?

Yes, you are telling him to spill the soup by focusing his mind on spilling it, then there is insult added to injury when you say “you clumsy kid, why didn’t you do what I told you”? So not only does the child feel guilty for making a mess, he or she then gets a negative affirmation as well.

So how do you get the child to NOT spill the soup? Think what do I want the child’s mind to do and the answer is “keep the soup bowl level”.

Focus the mind towards the required task, invariably this will focus their mind away from the negative result that you instilled in their mind.

This is a very powerful psychological concept that can be effectively implemented into your internet marketing campaigns. If you want your customers to do something, maybe telling them not to do it may be more effective in certain situations, definitely “food for the taught”. This approach would also help to instil one of the most powerful action emotions also, curiosity

Two very different sides to the same coin, sit and ponder on this theory for a while, think of the many possibilities and how you could make it work for you and your internet marketing campaigns.

We accept that illness is part of our daily lives. Colds and flu, cuts and bruises. All these are taken within our stride. Curative potions, prescribed and otherwise, are taken and within a few days we are all back to normal ready to face the world. We have this acceptance because it is something that is tangible. Life is nice and simple as we look at these minor ailments. Everyone has had them at one time or another so it’s part of life.

What about depression? The word itself, particularly when used with regard to an illness, sends a shudder down the spines of most folk. Some would say that it is a disease of the 90s, something that television and the like, too much this, not enough of that and perhaps only confined to those in our community who have – what shall we say – some mental problem. It is so easy to dismiss this illness. We can then forget it and think of things a little more pleasant. What we don’t understand can certainly make us feel that way.

It’s all very easy to dismiss this very harrowing and distressing illness, for it is an illness, not a condition. Some of our community, although seeming physically fit, appear to be carrying the worries of the world on their shoulders. They find it impossible to cope with the normal pressures that the rest of us comfortably deal with in the course of our daily lives.

It is not meant to be patronising to call them poor people. It is merely gratitude for one not having the illness and pity, yes pity, that fellow human beings have to suffer such torment. Luckily nowadays there is some relief with medication that is available. It is however small compensation for the anguish that must be caused by this awful malady.

It is quite easy to remember the days when someone had an “off day” – due to what we now know as depression – to hear their close ones say “Buck yourself up – you’ll be OK tomorrow”. That was the diagnosis and cure for depression principally because not enough was known about the reason why it happens. We read of a blackness and inner torment that travels with it, unfortunately encouraging self harm in some cases.

Society now appears to be much more tolerant. It seems that a little knowledge does go a long way. People, who before seemed aloof and rude at times, with medical help and the correct medication, can now live a content and peaceful life, free from the demons that depression inevitably brings.

Depression hasn’t just happened in the last 15 years though. It surely must have been around for an incredible number of years. Does that mean that it has increased in intensity because of the type of lifestyle we lead, or does it mean that we simply shunned our lesser fortunate acquaintances because we felt there was something “odd” about them?

It is more likely to be the latter. It was far easier to think of someone as not quite the same as everyone else and reject them accordingly, which is what we normally do with things or people we don’t understand, than approach them and try to help them conquer their personal battles.

Michael Russell Your Independent guide to Depression

Many people think that communicating is easy. It is after all something we’ve done all our lives. There is some truth in this simplistic view. Communicating is straightforward. What makes it complex, difficult, and frustrating are the barriers we put in the way. Here are the 7 top barriers.

1. Physical Barriers. Physical barriers in the workplace include:
* marked out territories, empires and fiefdoms into which strangers are not allowed
* closed office doors, barrier screens, separate areas for people of different status
* large working areas or working in one unit that is physically separate from others.

Research shows that one of the most important factors in building cohesive teams is proximity. As long as people still have a personal space that they can call their own, nearness to others aids communication because it helps us get to know one another.

2. Perceptual Barriers. The problem with communicating with others is that we all see the world differently. If we didn’t, we would have no need to communicate: something like extrasensory perception would take its place. The following anecdote is a reminder of how our thoughts, assumptions and perceptions shape our own realities.

A traveller was walking down a road when he met a man from the next town.
“Excuse me,” he said. “I am hoping to stay in the next town tonight. Can you tell me what the townspeople are like?”
“Well,” said the townsman, “how did you find the people in the last town you visited?”
“Oh, they were an irascible bunch. Kept to themselves. Took me for a fool. Over-charged me for what I got. Gave me very poor service.”
“Well, then,” said the townsman, “you’ll find them pretty much the same here.”

3. Emotional Barriers. One of the chief barriers to open and free communications is the emotional barrier. It is comprised mainly of fear, mistrust and suspicion. The roots of our emotional mistrust of others lie in our childhood and infancy when we were taught to be careful what we said to others. “Mind your P’s and Q’s”; “Don’t speak until you’re spoken to”; “Children should be seen and not heard”. As a result many people hold back from communicating their thoughts and feelings to others. They feel vulnerable. While some caution may be wise in certain relationships, excessive fear of what others might think of us can stunt our development as effective communicators and our ability to form meaningful relationships.

4. Cultural Barriers. When we join a group and wish to remain in it, sooner or later we need to adopt the behaviour patterns of the group. These are the behaviours that the group accept as signs of belonging. The group rewards such behaviour through acts of recognition, approval and inclusion. In groups which are happy to accept you, and where you are happy to conform, there is a mutuality of interest and a high level of win-win contact. Where, however, there are barriers to your membership of a group, a high level of game-playing replaces good communication.

5. Language Barriers. Language that describes what we want to say in our terms may present barriers to others who are not familiar with our expressions, buzz-words and jargon. When we couch our communication in such language, it is a way of excluding others. In a global market place the greatest compliment we can pay another person is to talk in their language.

One of the more chilling memories of the Cold War was the threat by the Soviet leader Nikita Khruschev saying to the Americans at the United Nations: “We will bury you!” This was taken to mean a threat of nuclear annihilation. However, a more accurate reading of Khruschev’s words would have been: “We will overtake you!” meaning economic superiority. It was not just the language, but the fear and suspicion that the West had of the Soviet Union that led to the more alarmist and sinister interpretation.

6. Gender Barriers. There are distinct differences between the speech patterns in a man and those in a woman. A woman speaks between 22,000 and 25,000 words a day whereas a man speaks between 7,000 and 10,000. In childhood, girls speak earlier than boys and at the age of three, have a vocabulary twice that of boys.

The reason for this lies in the wiring of a man’s and woman’s brains. When a man talks, his speech is located in the left side of the brain but in no specific area. When a woman talks, the speech is located in both hemispheres and in two specific locations.

This means that a man talks in a linear, logical and compartmentalised way, features of left-brain thinking; whereas a woman talks more freely mixing logic and emotion, features of both sides of the brain. It also explains why women talk for much longer than men each day.

7. Interpersonal Barriers. There are six levels at which people can distance themselves from one another:
1. withdrawal. Withdrawal is an absence of interpersonal contact. It is both refusal to be in touch and time alone.
2. rituals. Rituals are meaningless, repetitive routines devoid of real contact.
3. pastimes. Pastimes fill up time with others in social but superficial activities.
4. working. Working activities are those tasks which follow the rules and procedures of contact but no more.
5. games. Games are subtle, manipulative interactions which are about winning and losing. They include “rackets” and “stamps”.
6. closeness. Closeness is the aim of interpersonal contact where there is a high level of honesty and acceptance of yourself and others.

Working on improving your communications is a broad-brush activity. You have to change your thoughts, your feelings, and your physical connections. That way you can break down the barriers that get in your way and start building relationships that really work.

(c) Eric Garner, ManageTrainLearn.com.

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