Auto-Immunization

I had stated in a previous article how Yoga could work as a natural depression treatment based on my own experiences. To add to that information-being a very important limb of Yoga into itself- what you eat also has an effect on your mental health. Consequently, if you’re interested in a drug-free treatment of depression, without the side-effects common to most depression medications, a crucial step will be to make some dietetic changes amongst other factors.

However, what should be the main priority, to avoid adding insult to injury when using depression medications, will ironically be avoiding their use considering the many side effects common to these anti-depression drugs. Effective as they may be for a while, it’s been noted that these substances have several side effects which may include nausea, fatigue, insomnia and some sexual dysfunctions. In some cases on mental side effects, mania has even been reported; so needless to say, a drug free depression treatment might be your best AND safest bet for your health.

Now, when in depression, most of us have the tendency to binge in an effort to mask our feelings or deaden the pain, some of us go as far as soliciting the use of alcohol, drugs or even sex for depression help. Yes, they may give some relief for a while, but when these mere distractions wear off, the symptoms of depression always do come back, and with a vengeance.

This considered, it will be safe to say the first step of a dietetic factor in regards to depression treatment could be refraining from food, at least for a while friends, really.
An observance of nature will show us that when animals are frightened or angered, they refrain from eating until after the passage of considerable time.

It is true that under stressful circumstances many civilized people refrain from eating and find in truth that they lack the desire for food, but it is also too often that most will eat large meals under these circumstances, which will be mostly disease forming foods to start with, that as a consequence, complicates or altogether halts an already retarded ongoing digestion. This endless cycle leads to even more toxins and poisons in an already encumbered body.

So what are you saying Foras (that’s my name by the way), I should fast or something?

Well, if you can, that will be excellent. At least till your emotional balance returns, which will be the end result as the body is not taxed with the duties of digestion, assimilation and re-building. Your mind clears and all moroseness disappears and consequently, we tend to find the answers to the problems warranting a treatment for depression in the first place.

Now for many, I agree it might be asking for too much to fast during a stressful time based on old habits, but as an alternative, it will be advisable to steer clear of harmful mucus forming foods and partake of body healing ones: Fruits and Vegetables. A restricted diet of one kind of fruit can be considered a camouflaged fasts but you have to be knowledgeable of its season, how it was grown (organically or conventional) and even when to eat as body cleansing and building do occur at specific times of the day.

Now, not to get of the subject of depression treatment, these steps, be they a fast or a healthier diet, will ensure that the body is cleaner and well we all should know by now that a cleaner body equates to a cleaner mind. In fact Yoga sages (this obviously showing my vote of Yoga for anti-depression) suggest that certain foods, which they coin as ‘rajasic’ (stimulating foods including Spices, alcohol, and animal products) foods have a negative stimulating effect on the nervous and endocrine systems, the two main ones that are related to mental health and consequently depression.

Based on their impeccable analysis of the human body, it may be safe to say these old Yoga Sages are completely right in suggesting we as humans-or at least those of us seeking the use of Yoga for depression treatment-should abstain from these foods for optimal success.

Is it a co-incidence that these same foods are the ones that have been shown to wreak havoc on our physical health? I think not folks.

This considered, instead of introducing chemical substances into your body in a quest for seeking depression treatment, from the facts above, it will be wise to first make a dietetic change, which again may include a short fast, at least to clear our minds first to tackle our problems, then eat the proper foods for nourishment and of course partake in some physical exercise (my choice being some Yoga) to obtain the inevitable feel-good results.

Depression is something we all may go through at some point, but thankfully relief and a successful treatment of it is not out of reach and this without harmful side-effects.

So empower yourself to a successful depression treatment targeting its root cause with drug-free methods of healing. On the subject of diet and depression treatment, I choose to remind you of this quote: “Let your foods be your medicine and your medicine your foods” (By Hippocrates the ‘Father or Medicine”)

May happiness be yours.

Foras Aje is an independent researcher and author of Fitness: Inside and out, a book on improving physical and mental health naturally. For additional information on depression treatment go to: http://www.bodyhealthsoul.com/depression.htm

I hadn’t intended to go to my cousin’s funeral.

That sounds terrible, I know. And if I had chosen to focus on the 18 year estrangement of various factions of my family from each other and my own 15 year estrangement from my uncles (hey, Greeks are a war-like people, what can I say?), I could have patted myself on the back for the fact that I had gone to the wake and let it go at that.

But if you knew the littlest thing about me, you would know that I recognize an inner dragon when I see one. And, once I see one, I have to slay it. It’s a sacred covenant I have with myself.

And, should I get tempted to walk away from a soul-defining battle, I have some very powerful people watching my back. Powerful people who won’t let me slack off. Powerful people who say just what I need to hear to remind me of how powerful love is and the miracles that can unfold when we Show Up.

To prepare to attend the wake, I visited with my dear friend and spiritual Rock of Gibraltar, Mike Schwass, (http://www.dontblamethegame.com). He shared with me some of the last conversation he had with his dear friend, Blackhawk’s Keith Magnuson a month before he died.

You have to show up. Just your presence can be so powerful. You have to show up.

Mike has a way of planting seeds in my head that grow…and grow…and grow. Guru-types are like that.

This brought me to a lesson from an anonymous reader at my blog this week:

You can criticize or you can educate.

“Anonymous reader” chose to criticize my falling prey to a pervasive myth on Chinese calligraphy interpretation but never gave the slightest clue to how I could correct my path. All I got was, “sorry, you are wrong, seeya.”

Thankfully I am naturally inquisitive, so I was inspired to do research and enjoyed learning more. However, I could just as easily been hurt, embarrassed and defensive at being publicly defrocked as my unwitting blunder was exposed to my readers.

But since I also believe everyone is a Buddha here to teach me something I paid attention to what was really happening here.

You can criticize or you can educate.

The biggest reason I was going to avoid the funeral was due to my own belief that everyone in my family was going to do it wrong. That it would be a fiasco. That my grudge-holding family, in the midst of chaos and tragedy would just pour fresh gasoline on fires which had been smoldering for 18 years and I didn’t want any part of it.

No, I just wanted to sit in the woods and meditate and not be soiled by the whole thing. Not be irritated. Tempted to jump into the fray. Resurrect my Greek Evil Eye.

You have to show up (you big weenie).

The truth is I did know how to show up. Sure, there is something familiar about being pissed at my family. It’s just so easy. And, face it, anger is energizing. Gossip has a certain seduction to it. There’s momentum. Criticism is so easy.

But love is more powerful.

Yes, it’s a harder place to hold. It takes work. It takes a conscious conviction to stand for love when there are so many temptations to blame, to judge, to criticize. It’s easier to walk away.

It’s easy to walk away until you realize that your very integrity is on the line. I’m either walking the talk or I’m not. I’m either adding to the love or I’m adding to the pain. I’m either criticizing or educating.

You have to show up. Just your presence can be so powerful. You have to show up.

I showed up.

I’m here to tell you that my 15 year estrangement from my uncles has ended. We talked. And hugged. And the one that was most difficult to reach, who has been estranged from the entire family for 18 years accepted an invitation to come to my home next weekend. He even came out to the parking lot as I was about to drive away to make sure I knew the best route home.

My uncle’s laughter is one of my favorite sounds of all time. It’s brilliant and silly and mischievous and infectious. It is the sound of everything that was ever right and good in my family. And next weekend, his laughter will fill my home.

Laura Young is a personal development and business coach. She is a contributing author to A Guide to Getting It: Purpose and Passion and Become Your Own Great and Powerful: A Woman’s Guide to Leading a Real, Big Life. She has recently been featured on By, For and About Women and Artists First Radio. To learn more about her, visit http://www.wellspringcoaching.com

To visit Laura’s blog, visit http://antwatching.blogspot.com

The ability to effectively communicate with employees is key to the success of the manager and the organization. Clear, concise communication, delivered with understanding, honesty and often empathy, can make the difference between whether the manager’s message is received or not. When dealing with a difficult situation with an employee, whether it is a coaching session or a performance appraisal interview, the words the manager chooses and the manner in which the message is delivered make a tremendous difference.

Beyond the delivery of the message, it is equally important that the manager listen carefully to the employee’s response. The manager must understand exactly what the employee means, looking beyond the mere words. The true meaning of the messages is not always found in the spoken words. It is often found in the intonation of the message, the body language or the tone.

As an example, in the two conversations outlined below, the manager, Tom, made very inappropriate responses to the situation presented. He “heard” the words that the employees were saying but never “listened” for their meaning.

In the first situation, Tom had to address a missed deadline with Mary, a good employee who was generally prompt about meeting all customer demands. Mary’s response to Tom’s inquiry about the problem went as follows:

Mary: “Well, you know, Tom, things are always hectic around here. We keep getting changes all the time.”

Tom: “But some of these changes are predictable. You just don’t plan well.”

In the second situation, Tom had to follow-up with another employee, Larry, who was supposed to take care of a customer complaint about a quality issue. Tom was upset because he thought the issue had been resolved earlier.

Tom: “Didn’t we talk about this before?”

Larry: “Yes, but this is a little different.”

Tom: “Frankly, I’m surprised that I had to call you in again. I assumed you took care of this problem months ago.”

After both exchanges, the employees walked away very upset and angry. Tom felt that he had properly addressed the problems, but wondered why the conversations were so one sided, abrupt, and lacked real, open dialogue.

In Tom’s exchange with Mary, Tom quickly made her very defensive. His statement that she did not plan very well was judgmental and failed to determine the real problem. It would have been better if Tom reflected upon the content of Mary’s statement and was more empathetic to her feelings. He might have said “It’s all the changes, then, that you feel are causing the missed deadlines.” By stating this, Mary would not have been so defensive and a discussion about the problem would have ensued.

In the second exchange with Larry, Tom again was being judgmental and was impatient with his statement “Frankly, I’m a bit surprised….” Tom could have improved the situation by finding out why Larry felt this case was a little different. He could have stated simply “Different? In what way?”

Though you can never exactly plan what you are going to say in advance, some basic coaching guidelines should be followed:

Approach the situation with a positive, helpful attitude

Avoid being judgmental

Be aware of your tone

Focus on the employee’s behavior, not their personality

Always maintain your objectivity

Listen carefully to what the employee is saying

Demonstrate to the employee that your goal is to help

Reach a consensus

Get commitment from the employee to a specific action plan

Tom was correct in addressing the issues with both Mary and Larry. His problems began with his approach and attitude. He did not listen for the true meaning of their message and simply reacted. If done differently, incorporating the basic coaching guidelines, Tom would have experienced better results.

Rick Dacri is an organizational development consultant, coach and featured speaker at regional and national conferences. Since 1995 his firm, Dacri & Associates (http://www.dacri.com) has focused on improving the performance of individuals and organizations. Rick publishes a monthly newsletter, the Dacri Report (http://www.dacri.com/enewsletter.htm) with the intent to provide clients and friends critical information on issues that impact them, their organization and their employees. Rick can be reached at 1-800-892-9828, or rick@dacri.com.

If your computer is infected with a virus you might have to restore your data at one moment in time. This is like going back in time. Time you could have spend on production. There are other incidents that require you to go back from where you came from. A nuisance if your time is limited.

There are so many activities to organize and so little time to finish them. It is like a Formula One race: speed is all that counts.

When the pressure to perform is high and when many teams of different disciplines engage in assembling different pieces of the overall cake, you might forget something down the road.

Moving is a very natural behaviour and to continue to produce, to design and to create is what finally counts; productivity.
But this productivity could end up in “non-productivity” if the various parts do not match when finishing the job. And one of the causes could be that somewhere between the teams shows up this inadequate assumption.

Organizations become more and more complex, not in the last place because of an internet trend, where activities are increasingly interlaced. Creating a product is done by assembling different parts designed by a variation of disciplines. Business services are not less complex and the probability of a mismatch increases with the number of disciplines involved.

To increase productivity you need an additional role that is concerned with managing these assumptions that are made during the process.

On an interpersonal level, an assumption could produce an interference. “I thought that you thought that..,” don’t we all experience this once in a while?

But in organization and team interactions the tacit assumptions will do more harm. If you run to the supermarket but you forget to bring money with you, you need to go back…

You can reduce these times where you need to go back, by introducing an broker role. Someone, somewhere how is involved in managing assumptions; what have we agreed, what is uncertain but assumed to be like this or that — just for the moment. You can even set an indicator for this, measuring the number of assumptions that are communicated and solved agreed later.

Managing these assumptions in this way will increase the real productivity and you will notice this, because you do not need to restore as much as before…

© 2006 Hans Bool

Hans Bool is the founder of Astor White a traditional management consulting company that offers online management advice. Astor Online solves issues in hours what normally would take days.
You can apply for a free demo account

Open Systems

At the worst of times companies can look and act like badly functioning families: dictatorial, patriarchal, rigid and uncooperative. The staff are de-motivated, communication is poor, growth is slowed and team-spirit is non-existent.

Like the Patriarch in a family who says, “Something needs to be done around here”, someone in the company usually calls for a “Culture Change” or some similar course of action in order to address a potential or actual decline. Structures are shaken up, mission statements are issued, new communication avenues are created. It gets frantically busy for a while, people are energised, sent on courses, empowered; and then they are expected to behave differently. So far so good…. but pretty soon it all goes back to the way it always was, if not worse, and no one quite understands why.

“Culture Change” cannot be imposed. It must grow organically out of the current needs of both the company’s needs and the needs of the individuals in it. We see this as moving from a “closed” or poorly functioning system to an “open” or well-functioning system. A closed system has stuck, negative and unchanging modes of communication; an open system has flexible, evolving and positive forms of communication.

Systems

What do we mean by “system” in this particular context? A system is any self-contained entity or unit made up of interconnected elements or parts, e.g.: a company made up of many departments is a system; each department is a subsystem; and the company itself is a subsystem of all similar companies and the economy in which it resides; which in turn is a subsystem of society.

In a system the whole is greater than the sum of its parts and a system functions through the interaction of each part to each other part. No one can really act in isolation without it affecting the whole.

The concept of systems was originally developed by studying systems in nature, but approximately 40 years ago biologists began to make the connection that families operated as systems as well. It was seen that any one member of the family who had a major problem that wasn’t being dealt with (such as alcoholism) would negatively impact on how the entire family functioned no one in such a family would be unaffected. Through our experiences in the corporate world, we have become more and more aware that the whole concept of systems work is directly related to companies and how they operate.

What is of importance in looking at this from a corporate point of view is that all systems must stay in balance and will do anything to stay in balance. If a system is closed, everyone in the system will consciously or unconsciously collude in keeping it that way (just like ignoring or colluding with the alcoholic in the family). If anyone comes along who tries to break the mould they won’t last very long or they will eventually capitulate (albeit resentfully) to the status quo.

The Closed System

A closed system operates out of inflexible, stuck, negative rules designed to maintain an unchanging status quo. It is dictatorial, controlling, perfectionistic.

In a closed system people don’t talk to each other. They second-guess each other and make assumptions. They gossip, take sides and keep secrets. They are quick to blame other people and slow to take responsibility for mistakes, so there is minimal accountability. People argue without getting anywhere. Conflict of any kind is usually avoided and people will not confront a problem even when it is glaringly obvious. On those rare occasions when there is open conflict it usually doesn’t get resolved to everyone’s satisfaction because people get stuck in having to win while making the other person wrong and needing them to lose.

As in a family, people get stuck in having the same arguments over and over and never getting anywhere. Individuals stay entrenched in their intractable positions and the most people are willing to budge, if at all, is by agreeing to disagree. While that may look reasonable on the outside it doesn’t actually move things forward and it keeps problems at arms length.

That’s why problems can fester away for years beneath the surface, with suppressed angers and resentments never being voiced or addressed. But because a system must always be in balance, whether its functional or dysfunctional, those angers and resentments will be expressed covertly. This might take the form of undermining other people’s positions, backstabbing, spreading gossip, not passing on information, being obstructive.

Senior management are inaccessible: phone calls aren’t returned, e-mails aren’t answered; people are in meetings all the time. Personal needs are, for the most part, sacrificed to the needs of the system, which usually means that everyone operates with a degree of low-grade anger and frustration. Stress levels increase enormously.

The Open System

An open system functions in a flexible, honest and fluid way. Therefore, it is always changing as the needs of the company and the people in it change. The company functions through good communication which means being direct and clear, giving people information, setting up structures which involve the consulting process both up and down the hierarchy and most importantly, accountability.

Differences are acknowledged and accepted rather than trying to get everyone to fit in. Feedback is positive and actively “feeds” the person receiving it. People are encouraging, supportive and motivating to each other through recognition, affirmation and stimulation.

For a system to deal with change as it occurs, it must be open, stable and secure without being fixed and rigid in its structures. There is a balance between autonomy and efficiency. There are good boundaries where people express their needs, expectations and requirements so that everyone knows where s/he stands.

The workplace can become an enjoyable, creative place to be, rather than feeling like a prison. People can have fun and can feel as though they are contributing to the well-being of the company and their own well-being.

Focusing on seemingly intractable problems from a systems point of view can reduce many problems to manageable size and provide simple yet highly effective solutions.

Jo Ellen and Robin run Impact Factory a training company who provide Organisational Working, Public Speaking, Presentation Skills, Communications Training, Leadership Development and Executive Coaching for Individuals.

The worn yellow lines on Highway 17 were coming too swiftly, as each line indicated we were closer to seeing my little girl’s grave.

Charlie, a thirty year old man who can no longer pretend to be a dumb kid is driving his pick-up truck, given to us by my brother, Johnny. The trip to Othello from Moses Lake is steeped in restless apprehension and agonizing about how we feel. How will it be a year after she died to see Stephanie’s plot.

Is it the apprehension lingering under the numbness which somehow keeps us going or is the apprehension a tangible presence like a Magpie gnawing at our hearts as if they were in pieces, road-kill along side the path of life we continually have to face with one third of our life gone? To stand staring at a piece of land covered with the brown tattered grass of winter, stark and lifeless.

We will stand there knowing no matter how many people tell us she isn’t really there, it’s a lie. The part of Stephanie we could hold, touch, feel and smell was in the small Urn buried in a shallow grave.

I see the cemetery from Highway 17, fir trees jutting from the barren area as if drawing those who have sadness in their hearts to the restful nature of the green trees, the only green in Eastern Washington during March. The icy wind blows cold and bitter, penetrating a person’s bones. My heart started pounding as though a bull was in my chest trying to escape confinement when I saw the trees. Charlie told me later his heart did the same thing.

We pull in at the exact time they had called Stephanie’s time of death a year prior. One pushes such things down as happenstance, but I knew it wasn’t happenstance. It wasn’t planned. I hadn’t planned to go to Othello at all, but I had court regarding the ongoing problems with the accident I had March 6, 2005 when I thought I was driving to save my little girl’s life and had a terrible accident. I looked at the summons to appear daily and saw March 6th each time, until I came home after later to see it was for March 16th, not March 6th.

I forgot Charlie didn’t know where his sister was buried, so he parked a distance from her plot of earth in Othello. I always look for the Eppich’s gravestone. It is easy to see and she is west of the Eppich’s.

I move closer as Charlie was searching and when I said, “She’s over here.” We are greeted by a single red rose placed on her grave. Seeing the single red rose, my heart broke all over again. Days later her 12 year old son told me he had placed the rose there on his way to middle school. Her grave is marked with a green framed 3 x 4 inch plastic index card holder, where it simply reads, ‘In Loving Memory – Stephanie Rose Pierre.’

It was like watching her dying all over again. So many things unsaid, so many things she will never see. Silent tears fell over the rims of my lower eyelids onto the ground. I sprinkled my metallic confetti all around her grave and especially near her name marker. I felt ashamed because I haven’t gotten her a stone grave marker. There were promises and misunderstandings and if not for Nathanael’s other Grandma, Stephanie’s plot would be barren with no name at all. She deserves better.

Charlie brought over some silken orange flowers that were stuck in the fence around the cemetery. No doubt they were victims of high winds which have been hitting the area lately. He puts them on her grave and mutters, “No reason to let them go to waste.”

Charlie and I both know her soul is not there, though she is with us so much. She is always on our minds, even when we aren’t aware of it. Charlie often hears her voice, I sense her near me when I close my eyes and now I feel her so close to us as we arrive.

When Charlie brought the flowers we both stood there in silence. Charlie left me alone with her as he went to the truck. I couldn’t think of anything to say as the hollowness of my heart gave me no words. Charlie returned and I stayed until I couldn’t stand anymore and decided to go to the truck. The old truck is ugly but runs like it hasn’t seen a day of abuse, though covered with paint drippings from when Johnny was painting signs and spray paint on different parts of the body done by my four year old granddaughter Alibama in a moment of artistic flair. The beastly pick-up was also a very good wind break from the chilly breath of nature.

As I sit writing this in the truck, my eyes are drawn over to Charlie who is still with his sister at her grave. He is sitting on the ground, a man remembering a lifetime with his sister and looking so lost without her.

He was dressed in a fitted, thick, olive green sweater, black slacks and wearing his new glasses sporting nicely cropped hair. He sat on the ground with one leg extended, the other bent at the knee. His fingers are interlaced and cupping his knee and his chin is sitting on his fingers.

The sun was shining in such a usual way. I thought back to the sunny day we buried her. I just stared at my son from the truck as he sobbed and talked to his sister for a lengthy time. I thought had I brought my camera or could paint such a scene it would be intensely poignant yet gently calming at the same time. The sun was shining under clouds giving the wintry air a warm glow.

As I looked on, all I could see was a soul missing another, sobbing alone, half of a unique pair. They were brother and sister, never feeling separated by the lack of a common paternal lineage. Our three lives are still interwoven even though we can’t hug her or touch her anymore, unless we see her in our dreams or our memories. She was Charlie’s sister and his closest friend. Stephanie was my only daughter who died unexpectedly when she was only 32 years old.

Charlie rose up and slowly returns to the truck. I hear the truck door open. Upon opening Charlie gets in, his usually dancing light blue eyes now a dark green color from crying.

As we drove away from the cemetery it ended a year of missing and wanting. Just one year ended of many more to endure with no less heartache.

Submitted by Connie Rose Pierre

Connie Rose Pierre has lived her life in Washington state. She has written many short stories for friends and relatives and started college late in life by some years at age 50 and plans on getting her degree in English and Pyschology.

Connie is currently living outside the small town of Selah WA next door to her son. She is continuing her education in Yakima then will transfer to graduate school.

During my younger years, my mom made a big deal out of birthdays. We wore birthday hats, blew up balloons, played games, opened lots of presents and stuffed ourselves with cake and ice cream. It seemed like a sacred moment when we made a wish before blowing out the number of candles that coincided with our age. Birthdays have always seemed magical to me.

When I turned sixteen years old, my dad gave me a beautiful birthday card that he picked out himself. It had a picture of a lovely young girl holding a small white bird in her hands. She stood in a green meadow that was surrounded by blue sky. Her blue and white dress matched the crown of flowers she wore. Her long hair was gently tousled by the wind. Colorful flowers and butterflies surrounded her. When I looked inside the card I was surprised to find words that were handwritten by my father. This was certainly not his style. He seldom gave out birthday cards and if he did, they were humorous, not mushy. The words that really surprised me were ‘remember that your dad loves you.’ The word love seldom came out of my dad’s mouth so it shocked me to read this in the card. I put the card away in a safe place. I somehow knew that one day it would become even more important to me. As the years rolled by, I forgot all about this special birthday card.

When the phone rang and announced the shocking news of my dad’s death, I fell to the floor in hysterical grief and shock for about three minutes. Then I pulled myself together and prepared to take care of the necessary arrangements. Before I left my house to go be with my mom, I tucked the birthday card my dad had given me on my sixteenth birthday into my purse. For some reason, the card immediately popped into my mind and I felt as if it offered me the strength I would need to get through the unbearable days that would follow. After some time, I felt it was time to put the card away and rejoin the land of the living.

After my dad died, I became very aware of coins and I often found them in unexpected places. One of my favorite places to find them was on the streets where I took my morning walks. Every time I spotted a coin laying on the ground, I bent down, picked up the coin and knew in my heart that it came from my dad. I felt that it was his way of letting me know that he was still around. I made this assumption because money was about the only thing that my dad and I could easily talk about. Most other subjects challenged us.

It seemed unusual that I was suddenly finding coins everywhere. When I spotted one, it was like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Gradually, I noticed that coins were not appearing as often. I assumed I had gotten the message that was intended for me and therefore, no longer came across the coins as much as I did shortly after my dad’s death.

During the week before my 42nd birthday, I didn’t see much reason to celebrate turning yet another year older. I had been in another dip on that ride called the roller coaster of grief. I tuned into the feelings of missing my dad and regret over our often strained relationship. I also proceeded to beat myself up for being weak because I couldn’t pull myself out of the funk. Yes, my hole got really deep.

Fortunately, when my birthday rolled around, my dark mood began to dissipate since I longed to feel the magic of having a birthday. As usual, I went for my morning walk and suddenly, I spotted something on the street. It was a penny! I bent down to pick it up and then I saw a nickel. As I reached for the nickel, I saw a dime. It had been such a long time since I experienced the joy of finding loose coins. I immediately connected the coins with my dad. The moment felt surreal. I held the coins in my hand and looked at them. Then, it hit me.

Sixteen! I was holding sixteen cents! An image of the birthday card Dad gave me on my sixteenth birthday popped into my mind. At that moment, I knew that death doesn’t separate us from our loved ones. It merely changes the way we interact and communicate with each other. Our loved ones who have passed over stay with us and watch over us as they keep loving us from afar. The love never dies. It lasts forever.

(c)2005 Beverly Keaton Smith

Beverly Keaton Smith, CPCC owns and operates Embrace Your Gifts and Soar! She is a certified life coach who offers individual life coaching, group coaching, workshops and retreats to women who are ready to discover and embrace their unique gifts so they can live more athentically and joyfully. She is also co-author of The Book of Druthers. To learn more about Beverly, visit http://www.embraceyourgifts.com

I am 23 years old. I come from a large family. I have 2 brothers (6 and 7), and 3 sisters (2months, 17, and 21). We are a very close famly, but I am especially close with my 17 year old sister. Like twins, with a very special bond. For the most part we all led very normal lives. I moved away got married and had two children, but we still saw each other every day.

One morning I was awaken by my cell phone ringing very early in the morning. My parents were calling me to ask me to come to their house. When I got to the house you could immediately tell something was very wrong. All they could say was it’s Robin, my 17 year old sister. I assumed maybe she had been in an accident or done something wrong. Finally I learned that she had committed suicide. She had shot herself in the middle of the night while I slept peacefully. Let me tell you it took a long, long time before I even believed it. That was December 13th, 2004. I died that day.

People try to tell you that time will heal your wounds but it has been 6 months and it gets harder every day. How are you suppose to live a normal life when your heart has been ripped out? Her suicide has handicapped me in more ways then I could explain to you. I wrote a letter to her and in it I tell her “there is no way that bullet hurt you half as bad as it hurt me.” My sister had no conceivable reason to kill herself. She had everything in the world a loving family and a boyfriend who loved her so deeply. It just goes to show there is no set stereotype. It can happen to anyone.

I now am very actively speaking to teens about the effects of suicide and the pressures of life. Unless you have been in my shoes you can not imagine the pain I endure every day. I hope that anyone reading this gets even a small sense of what it can do to someone. I strongly suggest that parents, friends, family, everyone realize how precious life is. Don’t ever take for granted the fact that it won’t happen to you. Stay close to the ones you love you never know when you won’t see them again.

All I have left are memories and some old clothes but you have a chance to truly make a difference.

Lindsay Blades
http://www.electronicsobsession.com
lindsayblades@hotmail.com

Teachers, when you received your training to teach,
the world probably looked much different. Guns
meant water pistols and gangs meant West Side Story.

Here is a test to see if your skills have kept up with
the changes in our kids. If you discover that you are
more prepared to work with Beaver Cleaver than Beavis
and Butthead, then consider coming to our Problem
Student Problem-Solver professional development
training workshop or
ordering some of our books and tapes. Our resources
can turbo-charge your skills to fit contemporary kids.

The answers are shown below and at the bottom, you
can also rate your skills for working with today’s
youth and children.

** 1. Who is the hardest-to-manage, most potentially
violent kid, and how must you work with them
differently than everybody else?

**** Bonus Question: If you work with this hardest-
to-manage child using the same approaches you use
with everyone else, what is likely to happen?

** 2. There may be just 3 major ways that kids can
respond to adult directions. Name the 3 ways.

**** Bonus Question: What is the only effective
way to get children to comply with adult directions?

** 3. Name the student most likely to drop out.

**** Bonus Question: What other problems will
this child quite likely face?

** 4. Who are the kids at highest risk of extreme
violence?

**** Bonus Question: Why do you work differently
with each of these kids?

** 5. Other than violence prevention, name the
single most important school readiness skill to
teach to students. (Hint: Most schools don’t have
a formal plan to teach it, but they all require it)

**** Bonus Question: When is the time to teach
this skill?

ANSWERS!!

1. CONDUCT DISORDERS.
Conduct disorder is a mental health term that
essentially means that the child is sociopathic.
While you can continue to successfully use
relationship-based approaches with any other
child, these methods almost inevitably flop
with conduct disorders who, by definition,
can’t relate normally to others.

Bonus Question: If you use conventional
relationship-based approaches with conduct
disorders, it conveys to them that you do
not understand them. It may be close to
painting a target on your chest. Actions
that are normally appropriate under some
circumstances, such as giving one more
chance, can be dangerous even disastrous
with conduct disorders. If you do not know
this child backwards and forwards, you may
lack key tools to ensure your safety and
the safety of other children.

2. The child can become OPPOSITIONAL.
The child can CAPTIULATE if coerced to
do so. The child can comply: ACCEPTANCE.

Bonus Question: Acceptance is really the
only way to gain compliance. Power-
struggling with oppositional kids means
everyone loses especially you as no adult
ever wins a power struggle with a kid. If
you must hassle and harass a kid into
capitulating, that is not a positive
way of interacting with others that
you want the child to emulate as it
will normally not work in the world.
Plus, imagine the harm you might
do hassling a troubled child by
coercing compliance from them.
Acceptance is the standard that works
everywhere and won’t damage even a
very vulnerable child while gaining their
compliance.

3. TEEN MOMS

Bonus Question: Teen moms also have
the highest risk of poverty, going on
welfare and never getting off of
welfare when compared to anyone else.
Shouldn’t everyone know who is the
one child at highest risk of dropping
out and be aware of the potential
additional litany of woes?

4. CONDUCT DISORDERS, THOUGHT
DISORDERS, EXTREMELY DEPRESSED
KIDS

Bonus Question: Each of these 3 children
needs a very different kind of help. For
example, the thought-disordered child
might be able to benefit tremendously
from medication, while there is no medicine
for conduct disorders. This means that to
best prevent extreme violence, you must
understand how to work with different kids
very differently.

5. ATTENDANCE
If the student isn’t in your classroom, you
can’t work your magic on them
Bonus Question: Day 1 of school. It’s that
important.

SCORING: (Score 1 point for each
question or bonus question)
8-10 You’re READY for even the
“South Park” kids!
5-8 You’re DUE for a Training Update!
0-4 You’re OVERDUE for a
Training Update!

If this article has made you realize that
you are using yesterday’s methods with
today’s students, you may want to see what
updated teacher training looks like. Take
a look at http://www.youthchg.com, and
discover how you can fill in the gaps in
your training so working with difficult,
conduct disordered, angry, truant and
agitated students doesn’t have to be so
difficult.

Get much more information on this topic at
http://www.youthchg.com. Author Ruth
Herman Wells MS is the director of Youth Change,
(http://www.youthchg.com). Sign up for her free
Problem-Kid Problem-Solver magazine at the site and
see hundreds more of her innovative methods. Ruth
is the author of dozens of books and provides workshops and training.
For re-print permission for this article, contact the author by

email (dwells@youthchg.com.)

THETA SOUND

The Theta sound is used as a guide to the Theta brain levels. If you want to know how to hear an Alpha or Theta sound can modify your brain levels read The Alpha Centering Sound

Much lower than Alpha (7 to 14 cycles per second) it’s the Theta level (4 to 7 cycles per second), and we can receive great benefits by using this level.

Each time that we activate our mind, it seeks the first place where it can function deductively. If we are meditating at an Alpha level, when we activate it, the brain goes up to Beta, but if we activate it while being at the Theta levels, then it will only go up to Alpha, where we still are at deep levels

The Theta sound can also be used to practice the mind control exercises that are supposed to be done at Alpha level, because as the Theta sound pulses at exactly half the rate of Alpha, it’s easy for the brain to have one Alpha beat for every two beats of the Theta sound.

And since the Theta sound beats at a slower rate, the brain is attracted to a lower rate of pulsing, and makes it easier to remain at alpha.

WHAT FOR DO WE NEED THETA SOUND?

The problems that we want to correct with mind control techniques must be within our reach. Our mind needs to have enough information about a problem to be able to correct it, and if we have never reached the Theta level, then it is closed to us.

Every time that we enter into the Theta level with conscious awareness, that opens that level to us, and puts it within our reach.

And if you learn to master the Theta level, you will be able to control physical pain without taking medicines.

WHAT KIND OF PROBLEMS CAN WE REACH AT THETA LEVEL?

It is said that limiting belief systems could be rooted there because they are usually seeded at an early age.

If a 5 year old child is told that he is stupid, he will simply accept it, because at that age he is not able to react deductively. He loves his parents, he belief in his parents and he just records in his brain cells what his parents tell him.

At hat age, his overall predominant brain frequency will be 5 cycles per second (children frequencies are much slower than adults), so every impression will be made at a very low frequencies.

When those levels come within our reach, then we can program ourselves to reach our goals, and if the limiting belief is rooted in theta, our mind can correct it.

There’s another good reason to open up the Theta levels to our reach, and it is to be able to work over our biological intelligence.

While psychological health problems are rooted at Alpha level (ten cycles per second), biological health problems are rooted at Theta level (five cycles per second).

Theta level is the level that the hypnotists use to have teeth pulled, and even to have surgery, without the use anesthetics.

Our body know how to heal ourselves, but many times they need that we remove the interferences to healing to let nature take care of its natural course.

ORIENT AND THE THETA LEVEL

In mind control exercises we use Alpha level, but do the yogis use Alpha level?

No, they don’t. They use Theta level.

Alpha level is good for a mind that wants to be activated, but Theta level is the level desired for those that want to practice yoga’s passive meditation.

So if you want to practice yoga, if you want to work over your life’s argument or want to practice astral travel. Then you need to master the theta levels, and the easiest way to do it is to practice with my Theta Sound CD

Written by Dr. Roberto A. Bonomi

You will find all that you need to know about, self help, stress control, weight control, stop smoking, mind control, relax, motivation and meditation with subliminal messages at Dr. Bonomi’s web site: http://www.drbonomi.com